Carry On Mackems

Over the years I have heard many of our unhygenic neighbours refer to our iconic stadium as “Syd James Park” but the events last night at the Stadium of Shite were much, much, funnier than any Carry On film.

The hilarity started several days ago with the unwashed celebrating playing in the quarter finals of the FA Cup as if it was a feat worthy of a trophy in its own right. They busied themselves with discussing their Wembley plans and this then progressed to proclaiming how funny it will be when they qualify for Europe at our expense. But it was at 8.00pm yesterday that the real laughter started.

From when the teams walked out onto the pitch until the final whistle the mackems were out played, out battled, out managed and even out sung by their opposion. MON, the tactical genius, had his players zonal marking at corners, allowing one of the best headers of a ball, Cahill, a free run onto a few decent deliveries that should have resulted in a goal, and it was clear, even in the early stages of the game, that there was only one likely outcome.

It was Sunderland’s latest signing, Krgyiakos, that turned this British farce into a Greek tradegy when he decided to impersonate an Athenian statue allowing Everton to take the lead. Last night he looked almost Bramble-esque in his flat footedness.

Early in the second half MON proved just what a real comedy talent he is. He decided to bring on Vaughan, who can best be described as looking like the result of a drunken fumble between Edwina Currie and Peter Beardsley, and this was indeed a master stroke. Now they say that the art of great comedy is all down to the timing, and MON timed this to perfection. Within minutes of entering the contest, Golam, sorry, Vaughan, had every football fan in the country pissing themselves!! To be able to put the ball in the back of your own net with such style requires increadibly quick feet and perfect timing. I have not seen such amazing footwork since Audley Harrisson was on Strictly Come Dancing!!

As the game wore on the mackems did their best to present Everton with even more chances to extend their lead and the visitors should have really had 3 or 4.

Cattermole and Bardsley did what is expected of them, getting their handbags out when Neville put in a robust shoulder on McClean, who himself, has proved that he is not averse to putting in a nasty, sneaky challenge on the opposition when the opportunity presents itself. Catts and Bards reminded me of a couple of old ladies that you would see on ITV wrestling on saturday afternoons, trying to hit Mick MacManus with their bags. Shame that they did not show the same passion for winning the game.

ITV tried to interview vaughan after the match, but he was found crouching in a corner of the changing rooms clutching a crumpled picture of the FA Cup and mumbling “My precious” and trying to bite anyone who got with 3 feet of him. Instead, MON would only say that he had to now ask Elliss Short if the club’s floodlights could be left on during the daytime as Sunderland are now firmly back in Newcastle United’s shadow

The game had an unusual effect on the River Tyne. It nearly burst its banks with a sudden increase in the level of its urine content. This was the knock on effect of tens of thousands of Geordies absolutely pissing themselves between the hours of 8-10pm.

It also had repercussions in West London where the catering department at Wembley Stadium had already started preparations for providing 35,000 portions of cheesey chips as part of the mackems dietary requirements.

Written by simonbh7 – Click to read the thread.

I’m still happy!

This is just a topic to hopefully keep our eye on the ball and keep our feet on the ground…

Ok, so we’ve had an arguably tough three games; three games we could have won/drawn. Wolves was a mare, no denying that, a game that we should have won; against the scum we were ripped apart in the first half, but we should have won it in the second IMO; and Arsenal away was always going to be hard – an in form team in the league away from home – but we could have held on for a draw.

But. Let’s look at the big picture. Right now we are 10 games from the end of the season:
1) We’re already safe (and we have been for a while);
2) We’re 6th (lets be honest, who wouldn’t have given a pinky for that?);
3) Not only are we 6th, but we’re 5 points clear (3 potentially) of Liverpool in 7th (who spent BIG), and 7 points clear of the scum in 8th;
4) Our run in isn’t too bad: a few tough games against two teams above us, a 6 pointer against the scousers, and some tough games against fighting teams (Swansea) to go…
5) This is the first season that this squad has had together – this is one of the most important points here. We’ve done bloody well this season. And that is with Cabeye, Ba, Cisse, Marveux, Obertan, Santon, and arguably Ben Arfa all being brand new to the squad. Think about that! At least five regularly playing players are less than a few months old in thes team and we’re 6th! What will they do next season after they have jelled?

What we’ve managed this season is bloody brilliant. And beyond that we’ve got Colo, Krul, Tiote, Cabeye, (more?) players on long term deals that will set is in good stead for the next few seasons. And the club is financially stable, which is more the most can boast.

Europe woud be nice at the end of the season, but personally I would be worried that we couldn’t cope with it. Unless we spent to bolster the squad (likely?), we would need at least another season to build a squad with the depth to survive well in the Premiership and compete in Europe.

If we finish above the scousers this season i’ll be elated, the mackems too would be the icing. Europe? I won’t be too upset if we miss it.

HWTL – not just for this season, but let’s keep up this momentum and keep on building. This is the first season in a long time (since Bobby) that i’ve had any *real* excitement for the future!

But am I missing something? What do you guys think? Are we on a slow burn for the next few seasons? Or do you want results now?


Written by IcyBadger

Peter Lovenkrands

Yesterday it was announced that he will be out for the rest of the season through injury. He was unlikely to get a new contract anyway but now he is even more unlikely to get one. So his Newcastle United career is pretty much over. To be fair he is getting on a bit and is probably ‘a bit past it’ now as he isn’t really good enough for us any more.

However I for one will certainly miss him. He’s scored a few big goals during his time here and he always put’s his all into every minute of every game. I remember back in the Championship when we played WBA at home his dad passed away the day before. Lovenkrands wasn’t expected to play but he still did and when he scored I was delighted for him. His celebration for his dad meant more than the goal itself as far as I’m concerned. That was probably the most emotional moment I’ve witnessed in football. That showed Lovenkrand’s character and summed up how much of a model professional he is.

I’d like to thank Lovenkrands for his service to us and I wish him all the best in whatever he goes on to do.

Written by TJR_NUFC

Arsenal Vs Newcastle Preview

Although Arsenal were knocked out of the Champion’s League last night, they will have taken a great deal of heart and pride in their performance.

Now they are out of all cup competitions they only have the league, and 4th place in particular, to focus on and this could be bad news for us on Monday night. Often, when a team goes out of the Champs league, their league form can also suffer with the players feeling a bit flat, but due to the nature of their European exit and their excellent performances in their last couple of league games, I am quite concerned about facing them at the Emirates next week.

RVP against Williamson is the stuff that nightmares are made from, so it will be vital that we limit the supply to him from midfield. Having said that, I really feel that HBA should start on the right wing to give them something to worry about and to make the fullback think twice about bombing forward in support.

Our best opportunity, IMHO, is to get at their centre backs with the ball on the floor and HBA allows this to happen. He seems to occupy 2-3 of their players, thus creating more space and time for Cabaye and Tiote, and gives them more options when they have the ball. He also has the ability to provide insightful defence splitting passes for Ba and Cisse (when he actually decides to pass the bloody ball). The downside to playing HBA on Monday is that it is vital that we keep the ball as much as possible, but it is only natural that in trying to be creative he is going to give away possession. Despite this, I would definitely put him in the starting eleven.

Once again we will need to rely on the incredible work ethic that Pardew has instilled in this team and maybe a flash of individual brilliance to come away with a result.

How do you guys think we should best deal with the threat of RVP and how do you see us being able to exploit their weaknesses?

Written by Simonbh7

Is Shola Ameobi done?

Many have mentioned that Shola has often played through injuries and has damaged his mobility as a result. Others claim he’s just plain lazy and not up to Premier League standard.

However, one thing I’ve noticed is that his general ability seems to be getting worse and worse as each season passes, and that now, at the age of 30, he may have ran out of any limited ability he originally had.

His best season came in 05-06, when he scored 9 goals in 30 apps, which is almost 1 in 3. However, since then:

06-07: 3 goals in 12 apps
07-08: 0 goals in 6 apps
08-09: 4 goals in 22 apps
09-10: 10 goals in 18 apps (Oh wait it was the Championship)
10-11: 6 goals in 28 apps
11-12: 1 goal in 17 apps

This season seems by far and away his worst yet. His lethargic and lazy performances look worse than ever and represent only a single goal in 17 apps, and he’s a bloody front-man/striker!

Not only that, but even in the derby at the start of this season, a game he usually excels in, he looked lazy and failed to make any impact. It remains to be seen how he will fair on Sunday if he comes on, but if it’s another poor show, then we can chalk this down as the worst season he’s ever had at this club to date.

Do you think it’s all caught up to him and it may be worth considering his retirement? If the trend continues, I dread to think how he will be in the 12-13 season at the age of 31.


Written by Chappaz